Questions of Fear

I took a hiatus from entering in my blog when my close friend George died back in July. It has ended now because of the death of my close friend Kevin here in November.

Both died much too young. George and Kevin were such gentlemanly and welcoming men. These are NOT empty words of consolation thrown out at the passing of flawed people. They truly were very gentle souls. They truly were men who found a way to make anyone they met warmer for their meeting.

So why did I stop writing at the death of one and reconvened at the death of the other?

It's all about the questions. Oddly, they are the same questions with both losses. The same questions when anyone prematurely dies from cancer. When I was confronted with questions I was afraid to ask myself when George died, I instead forced myself into a process of introspection. I realized it was fear that prevented me from facing the questions then. The weakness was mine. The questions were what the questions have always been. I just fell short of what I needed to be to answer them. But having gone through my introspection from fear last July, I am prepared to look those questions in the eye now that we have lost Kevin in November.

1. Why did such wonderfully warm human beings suffer as these two did?

To know joy we also have to know suffering. One cannot exist without the other. What makes life so precious is the omnipresence of death. Those of us who are left behind to ask these questions have been left behind to find the answers in helping the people who still suffer. Help them find and remember the joys they've had in their lives and so remind us of the joys we've had in our own.

2. Why did they have to die so young?

You cannot answer this question until you can answer the question 'Why were they born?' We are all born to die. The glory of life comes from what we do in between. What we decide is the right way to act as a son, daughter, friend, parent, cousin, uncle or aunt. How we define morality and how ethically we apply that morality to every role in our lives. George and Kevin had glorious lives.

3. How will their families go on?

I have watched George's family closely from across the street for the last 20 years. Since July I have seen the strengths they possess step forward and stand taller as they came together to deal with their loss. I have seen their relatives and friends also make available their own support because of their own grief. It is in this togetherness that we see that George's spirit has stayed behind even if he is physically gone. Unfortunately I do not have the same vantage point to report on Kevin's family but I knew his spirit to be as strong as George's. So I naturally expect that they they will also step forward and stand taller and keep Kevin's spirit amongst us.

4. What's in store for me?

That's going to be based on how I continue to act with the time I have left. My greater sense and understanding of the glorious spirits of George and Kevin will definitely contribute to my ability to contribute to others. So I can be better for you because of how good they were for me.

5. Does any of this matter?

It most certainly does. We all have strengths that we can contribute to others. It matters so much that that contribution outlives our very bodies. George and Kevin still represent ideals of gentle and welcoming souls to me. I have been touched by them. I aspire and work every day to join them as such. I am energized by their friendship and their memory to make as large a contribution as I can.